Skip to content
The Velvet Hour
Margot Hale, in a champagne silk robe slipping off one shoulder and long pearls, poses in a luxury walk-in closet.

What I Learned About Men: The Full List

by Margot Hale, 58

Honey, you asked for the full list so here it is straight from three marriages.

Eight things I actually learned about men.

  • They hide the good snacks. First husband kept beef jerky behind the furnace. Current one uses the golf bag.
  • Tools multiply like rabbits. Two exes left me seventeen hammers. I still can't find one when the sink leaks.
  • They fake listening perfectly. Nodding at my story while mentally replaying last night's ball game.
  • Bathroom time has no limit. Thirty minutes minimum. I timed my second ex with a stopwatch and everything.
  • Flowers always mean trouble. Bouquet appears right after he dented the car or lost his wedding ring again.
  • They collect weird opinions. Current husband argues pineapples belong on pizza like it's a constitutional right.
  • Memory is strangely selective. Forgets my birthday but recalls exactly what I wore the night we met in 1992.
  • Appetite never matches yours. Orders the biggest steak then steals half my cheesecake with an innocent wink.

That's the complete list, sweetie. Take notes.

Follow Margot Hale on Facebook for more.

Margot Hale, 58. Adults only.

Keep reading

More from Margot

  1. My 5 Rules for When They Breadcrumb5 rules · the full list
  2. My 5 Cheeky Rules for Owning the Gray5 rules · the full list
  3. My 5 Cheeky Rules for Keeping Them Guessing After 505 rules · the full list
  4. My 3 Rules for Exes3 rules · the full list
  5. The Rest of the Story, in 5 Cheeky Rules5 rules · the full list
  6. My 5 Cheeky Dating Rules for Women Over 555 rules · the full list
  7. My 5 Other "Honey-Do" Tricks That Still Work After 3 Marriages5 items · the full list
  8. My 5 Rules for Keeping a Mature Woman Happy5 rules · the full list
  9. My 5 Cheeky Market Rules5 rules · the full list

Meet the other hosts

Vivian Vale in a luxury hotel suite at night, black satin robe with lace trim over a camisole, sitting on the edge of the bed with the city lights behind her
55

Vivian Vale

“My black lace always slips off one shoulder after midnight”

Elena Voss in a candlelit bedroom with velvet curtains, emerald silk robe with a deep V, sitting on the bed with bare legs crossed
50

Elena Voss

“I whisper the rules that make a man forget his own name”

Ruby Hayes in a candlelit hotel suite, long wine-red silk robe with a deep V, standing by a four-poster bed
52

Ruby Hayes

“Gary thinks these sheets are only for sleeping”