My 3 Rules for Exes

Honey, I wore the red anyway and watched that young widow try not to stare at my shoulders in that velvet dress.

These three rules kept me smiling the whole time at the service.

1. Dress for yourself first. Red velvet hugged every curve I earned after two marriages. My late ex always hated the color, so I made sure the whole chapel noticed. The young widow blinked twice when I walked in. Let her look. I felt like the main event while he lay there decaying.
2. Be gracious to the widow. I gave her a soft hug and told her she looked lovely. No shade, just enough red lipstick to remind everyone whose color this really was. She smiled back, a little unsure. My current husband squeezed my hand. I stayed classy, but I still slayed.
3. Leave with the best line. Right before the reception I leaned in and whispered to a cluster of his old golf buddies, "He never could handle a woman in red." Then I sailed out first, velvet swishing, roses in my arms. The room stayed buzzing long after I drove off.

Some rules just feel better in red, darling.

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