My 5 Rules for When They Breadcrumb

Honey, after that midnight text went silent for a whole week I poured a stiff martini and scribbled these five rules on the back of a cocktail napkin at the country club bar.

1. Name the gap. I told my second ex that seven days of nothing isn't mysterious. It's lazy. He blinked twice and reached for his scotch.
2. Match the energy. One vague 1 a.m. line? I wait seven full days then send back two crisp words. Keeps the game sporting.
3. Close the book. When my first husband slow-faded I mailed his lucky silk tie back. Return to sender with a red lipstick kiss.
4. Test the follow-up. I left my phone in the den. When he finally rang I let it go to voicemail through my entire steak dinner.
5. Rewrite the ending. If a man starts breadcrumbing I simply turn the page to one who wants the whole novel not just footnotes.

Now where's that extra olive tray?

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