My 5 Rules for Sleeping Next to a Blanket Thief

Gary yanked the covers again last night and left me dangling like a coat hanger on the edge of the bed.

So here’s exactly what I do now.

1. Keep a spare quilt handy. I stash one under the bed. Gary steals the big one, I whip out my backup like a magician. He never sees it coming.
2. Anchor the sheet tight. Tuck that bottom sheet so hard it could bounce a quarter. Gary tugs, nothing moves. My hips stay planted.
3. Sleep in satin pajamas. Slippery fabric makes me slide right back to center when he rolls. Works better than any marriage counselor, honey.
4. Deploy the decoy pillow. I shove a big fluffy one his way first. He grabs it thinking it’s me. Buys me ten whole minutes of peace.
5. Wake him with cold feet. Plant my icy toes on his back at 3 a.m. He jumps, I snatch the blanket. Fair is fair.

Gary still calls me his little blanket bandit. What did you think I meant?

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