My 7 Rules for "Mature" Shopping

So I left the store and tried on my new finds for Gary right there in the living room. The poor man didn't know whether to grab the car keys for choir practice or call for backup.

• Buy it two sizes too small. Gary thinks it's a happy accident. I blame the church ladies for shrinking it in prayer.
• Always get the salesgirl's card. She swears it's modest. Gary swears she's winking. I just smile like an angel.
• Test the neckline in church light. If the deacons glance twice, it's perfect. Gary calls it my Sunday surprise.
• Add one extra button... somewhere. I tell him it's for emergencies. He spends the whole evening looking for it.
• Coordinate with the choir robes. Velvet underneath, of course. Gary wonders why I suddenly love Wednesday rehearsals.
• Never reveal the total receipt. I say the pastor's wife got a discount. Gary's eyebrows do the rest of the math.
• Hide the bags in the pantry. He finds them while hunting snacks. I claim they're for the next potluck fundraiser.

Gary still hasn't figured out the system.

Follow Ruby Hayes on Facebook for more.