Linda's Full List of Cheeky Holiday Rules

Linda caught me staring at her thigh tattoos in the grocery aisle and just cackled.

She slipped me her handwritten list of cheeky holiday rules right between the cranberry sauce and the pie pumpkins.

• Always brine the turkey overnight. Linda says a good long brine makes it tender and ready for the big day. The church ladies nod like they know exactly what she means.
• Stuff it nice and full. She preps enough for the whole table and still has some left for seconds. Her sister always asks if she needs help with the mixing bowl.
• Hang fresh mistletoe high. Right in the front doorway so everyone has to stop. Linda's husband suddenly volunteers to greet every single guest.
• Warm the leftover pie slowly. She heats it in the oven at low heat so the filling stays perfect. Gary jokes that my version always comes out cold.
• Set out the good china early. She uses the fancy plates from day one so they get the attention they deserve. The deacons still talk about last year's gravy boat incident.
• Label every container clearly. No mystery packages in the fridge after the feast. She tells me her system keeps the in-laws from raiding the wrong leftovers again.

Her rules make every holiday twice as spicy.

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