Skip to content
The Velvet Hour
Ruby Hayes, in a backless emerald satin slip dress, looks over her shoulder by a window above the Las Vegas lights.

A Good Man Is Like...: My Full List of Cheeky Comparisons

by Ruby Hayes, 52

Honey, after that coffee line Gary turned redder than my lipstick and refused to pass the cream. So I kept right on comparing while he sulked.

  • A good man is like a sturdy recliner. Supports you through everything and never leaves you hanging. Gary's been stuck in recline for years.
  • A good man is like a sharp steak knife. Slices through the tough stuff clean. Gary's basically the butter knife, bless his heart.
  • A good man is like fine red wine. Gets better with age and leaves you warm inside. Gary switched to grape juice ages ago.
  • A good man is like a reliable pickup truck. Handles heavy loads without a single complaint. Gary's truck always needs a jump-start.
  • A good man is like church potluck pie. Sweet, satisfying, and gone in minutes. Gary shows up with the sugar-free Jell-O.
  • A good man is like Brad the waiter's wink. Quick, bright, and makes you order dessert. Gary's version is basically the bill.
  • A good man is like the deacon's handshake. Firm, confident, and lingers just right. Gary delivers the limp fish special.

What did you think I meant? Shame on you.

Follow Ruby Hayes on Facebook for more.

Ruby Hayes, 52. Adults only.

Keep reading

More from Ruby

  1. Ruby's Full 'Save Room For' List6 items · the full list
  2. My 5 Rules for Sleeping Next to a Blanket Thief5 rules · the full list
  3. The Full List of Words I Can Never Say in Public8 items · the full list
  4. My 7 Rules for Dragging Him Back Into the Store7 rules · the full list
  5. Linda's Full List of Cheeky Holiday Rules6 rules · the full list
  6. The Full List of Gary's Midnight Surprises7 items · the full list
  7. The Ending of the Story: Date Night with Forgetful GaryThe ending of the story
  8. My 7 Rules for "Mature" Shopping7 rules · the full list
  9. My Full List of Over-50 Truths8 items · the full list

Meet the other hosts

Vivian Vale in a luxury hotel suite at night, black satin robe with lace trim over a camisole, sitting on the edge of the bed with the city lights behind her
55

Vivian Vale

“My black lace always slips off one shoulder after midnight”

Elena Voss in a candlelit bedroom with velvet curtains, emerald silk robe with a deep V, sitting on the bed with bare legs crossed
50

Elena Voss

“I whisper the rules that make a man forget his own name”

Margot Hale in a candlelit boudoir with a four-poster bed, wine silk robe slipping off one shoulder, pearl necklace
58

Margot Hale

“Three marriages taught me exactly how slowly to unzip”